So you’re getting married to the love of your life. Congrats! Even if you’re hiring a wedding planner to do all the heavy lifting for the big day, you still have a few important decisions to make. Who you’ll include in your wedding party is one of them. Wondering how to pick your groomsmen without causing hurt feelings or a ton of stress? Read our tips below.

How to pick your groomsmen - Groom and two groomsmen gathered together


Think of a number 

There’s this idea that you absolutely have to have the same number of groomsmen as you have bridesmaids. It might look odd to have a mismatched number of people in your wedding party, but honestly, people aren’t going to notice that much. It’s far more important to have people you love by your side, rather than people you choose to “even things out.”

How to pick your groomsmen - Wedding party posing for a photo

That being said, if you do want a balanced number in your wedding party, that’s okay too! Talk about it with your spouse to be. Discuss who you’re thinking of asking to be by your side, so you can pick the same number of people together.

Consider your siblings

Now that you have an idea of how many people you’ll ask and who, you might start choosing your groomsmen from your siblings. And yes, it’s totally fine to make a sister a groomslady or a brother a bridesman. Why not?

Choose your best man (or woman)

If you and your sibling are very close, maybe you’ll make them the best man or best woman. If you have multiple siblings and would rather not single one out for the job, that’s okay. You might choose your best friend or very close relative instead. Just remember that the best man or best woman is going to be the person you count on leading up to and during the wedding. You’ll need someone to calm your nerves or get the rest of the wedding party excited for the big day. You also need someone who won’t lose the wedding ring; i.e., someone responsible and organized. Which leads us to our next point…

Pick people you can count on

Again, your wedding planner is doing most of the work here, but there will be moments you might need your friends to have your back. Pick groomsmen who will answer texts and emails, be prepared for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and remember to bring every part of their outfit for the wedding. At the very least, you need to be able to count on them to show up (on time) for the big day.

Don’t forget the group dynamic

Your closest friends and relatives have made your groomsmen shortlist. Great! Now, take a look at each person and their relationship to each other. You don’t have to dive in too deep, but if your best friend and old college roommate can’t stand each other, it’s probably best to leave one of them out of the wedding party. Your wedding will be stressful enough as-is; don’t add to it by putting together groomsmen who will create drama. Choose people whom you care about now, and people who will be civil, if not friendly, to each other.

Prepare for some hurt feelings

Sometimes having a smaller wedding party is easier to manage: choosing your brother and best friend to stand beside you is much less stressful than picking 10 people from your various friend groups.


Even with all your careful planning, there’s still a chance you’ll hurt someone’s feelings by not asking them to be a groomsman. If this happens, don’t stress! Keep your response simple: tell them it was a hard decision, and that you hope they’ll still be able to celebrate at the wedding with everyone. You might even give this person another role in the wedding, so they can still be involved.


At the end of the day, you do you. Your groomsmen should be people who will make the big day even more memorable and special. 

How to pick your groomsmen -Three male friends meet and speaking to each other. Grooms


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